Vintage Onion

Representative George Santos: “My mother had an abortion when she was pregnant with me, and I vowed right then and there to make sure no other child suffered the same fate.”

Senator Rick Scott: “Abortion is healthcare, so Americans have no right to it.”

Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito: “I don’t think of myself as a ‘politician,’ actually. But, yeah, these pills should definitely be banned, and I’ll do so at the first opportunity.”

Mifepristone, more commonly known as the abortion pill, is a prescription drug that can end a pregnancy at 10 weeks or less. The Onion asked politicians why they are fighting to ban the drug, and this is what they said.

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2000 consecutive days at Disney?!

Does that cause the brain to implode or explode?

Yes, this is old but I found it odd enough to pass on, even at this late date.

A Huntington Beach resident marked his 2,000th consecutive visit Thursday to the parks of the Disneyland Resort. Jeff Reitz, a Disneyland Resort annual passholder, began his daily sojourns to Disneyland and Disney California Adventure Park on Jan. 1, 2012, according to Disneyland Resort officials. Back then, the resort was putting the finishing touches on Cars Land, which opened that summer. Reitz, a 44-year-old Air Force veteran, was unemployed when he started his streak and was looking to keep up his spirits.

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He truly is a very stable genius

I would add to this insightful analysis that our brilliant leader has single handedly discovdered the virus’s weakness: it needs a living host and can only infect the living. His suggestion that we all take hydroxychloroquine and inject bleach strikes at this vital weakness and will succeed in curing us of the coronavirus (as well as all other ills). But President Trump gets no credit for this ingenious insight. What more proof do you need that it’s all a liberal plot to deprive him of an election victory in November?

It seems some Americans are confused about President Donald Trump?s extremely strong and very powerful national response to the coronavirus pandemic. That confusion is understandable, as many?

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